Ahhhhh...spring. There's nothing like a change in weather to bring out the worst of Buffalo fashion. Most of us up here in the great white North have been hibernating for the past few months and when the sun finally decided to make an appearance, we all went a little crazy. Yes, you might have caught me wearing flip-flops and a t-shirt in 40 degree weather but compared to some of these people, I was the epitome of class and high fashion. Before I go into detail, I just want to state that I am focusing on the wannabe Desperate Housewives group of Buffalo women. Don't get me wrong, a certain set of women up here (Amherst) do know what is and is not appropriate to wear out in public, but most of the ovary-toting population is still stuck in a time when Bon Jovi was cool. **Disclaimer** I could go into just as much detail about the Buffalo men but I don't have the desire or the stomach to do so. Writing about hair gel and gold jewelry makes me want to vomit and start cutting myself so I will just stick to the mulleted women.
Over the past few weeks I've noticed a large amount of women sporting the she-mullet. I'm not talking about the mullet that you will find among the women's softball set *cough, cough* I'm talking about the mullet that takes hours to curl and fix and looks kind of like a helmet. You know what I'm talking about...take a time machine back to 1987 and you'll see them all over the place. On top of the mullet, there are way too many women wearing the light-washed, straight leg blue jeans. I'm not talking the more stylish skinny leg. NO, I mean the ones that are wide up top and then taper. Oh the horror!!! In combination with the jeans of death, these women wear baby doll t-shirts. Baby doll tees are not flattering on ANYONE. They are cut too short and the sleeves tend to pinch arm fat...and believe me, most of the middle-aged women up here do have the arm fat. As a sidenote, the rate of hypertension, high cholesterol, obesity, and heart disease among the people of Buffalo is higher than the national average. Hmmmm....Do you think it has something to do with pizza and wings? Yeah, probably. So to re-cap, we have the mullet, the mom jeans, and the baby doll tee. Yes, it makes quite a combo. If I'm really lucky, I'll see the occasional pair of high-top Reebok sneakers but most of them just sport Sketchers.
"But I love my Sketchers."
"That's because you don't have a Prada backpack"
What movie? What movie?
Ok, I've got to stop or I might go postal on the city of Buffalo. I have 82 days and I'm gone. GONE!
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