Gnome Musings

As most of you can tell, I haven't written in awhile. After catching me looking at gnome porn, Tara changed the password on her computer and told me that she'd break my toes off if she caught me even looking at her Toshiba. She's a betch. Anyway, she's in Knoxville for the week and she left her computer. Haha...she underestimates me. I found her password written in the back of The Feminine Mystique. I'm sure that she thought that I would never look in feminist literature and she would've been right, but I thought that it had something to do with understanding the crazy minds of women. Just so you know, it doesn't have a thing to do with that. It was just a disturbing book.

Gnorman, what have you been up to recently?
Well, I'm glad you asked. I've been sitting on my little gnome butt eating M&Ms and watching soap operas. I've also been plotting on how to get back at Tara. She's really getting out of control. The other night she had to take that little rat dog Wendell to be boarded. She was crying and whining all night. I even caught her cuddling one of his old toys. It was quite pathetic. She has NEVER loved me like she loves that dog. Heck, she left me in her car all winter and let me get stolen by the ghetto superstars from East Buffalo. Did she care that I spent a week shivering in the snow? NO! But she'll pay God only knows how much so her baby Wendell will be comfortable while she's gone. I bet she's called the Petshotel (I'm not kidding, that's where he's staying) at least 20 times to make sure that he's happy/comfortable/healthy.
The other night I had the bright idea to torture both Wendell and Tara, but demon dog Saffy thwarted my master plan. I had spread itching powder all over Wendell's toys. It was supposed to make him break out in a massive rash but it wouldn't have any lasting side effects (well, I think that's what the label said but my Swedish isn't as good as it used to be). I sprinkled it on his toys hoping that he'd chew on them and be red and splotchy within the hour. Well, I didn't think that Saffy would get to the toys first. Poor little Pom ended up red and splotchy all over her body. If I actually had a heart, I'm sure that I would've felt bad for her. Tara ended up going with Megan to the vet but it wasn't enough. I want her to really suffer. She messed with the wrong gnome...

Ok, I'm going to go watch re-runs of Project Runway. I just love that Tim Gunn.

XOXO,
Gnorman G.