Tara and I decided to engage in a day of people watching. She snuck me into a local coffee shop and we spent a few hours watching all of the different people that either came in or walked by the coffee shop. Luckily Tara had her big purse so I could fit in it easily. She also bought me my own tall, "skinny" latte (I'm watching my figure, you know). I made many discoveries about the people of Buffalo today, but the biggest realization that I came to is that poor Tara is never going to find a man in Buffalo because they are all slightly...ugly. Yeah, I said it. They are U-G-L-Y. Plus they are about 2 years behind the fashion of their more attractive counterparts in the South. These Yankee fools are still popping their collars. Did they not get the memo when this unfortunate trend went out of fashion 2 years ago? Seriously, popping their collars? Next thing you know I'll see guys wearing socks halfway up their calves. Eeek! Also, these young Northern gentlemen don't seem to understand that using half a bottle of hair gel is excessive. I've never seen so many guys with goopy heads. Gross! Hair gel just makes most of them look like sleezy car salesmen. To make matters worse, most of the men up here are shorter than Tara. Poor girl, she's just a freak of nature. I know that she can't help it that she's taller than the average American man (this statistic is true) but you'd think that there would be a few non-midgets in this city. Oh well, I guess this means that we'll be spending a lot of time at home. That's cool because I've been wanting to have a Glen Close movie marathon. That woman is amazing.
Hugs and kisses from YankeeLand,
Gnorman G.
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Your mission should you choose to accept it: to find a man that combines the following
1- Excess gel in hair
2- popped collar
3- wearing crocs (possibly with jibitz)
4- has a "man purse"
5- age at least half way to 70
6- has a pet lawn ornament that accompanies him to coffee shops
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